Marie is 29 and she's a unicorn.

As a young, bisexual single woman, she's the most sought-after type in the swinging world, "as rare as rocking horse s**t", according to another swinger.

Tall with long blonde hair, she gets literally thousands of offers of sex on swinging websites and at parties. It also means she calls the shots when it comes to choosing who to meet and where. Hotels and penthouses in Cardiff, where she lives, are in. Travelling anywhere to meet others is out.

After signing up to a swinging app she was deluged with offers and it wasn’t long before Marie had her first meet-up.

“Within about a month I met a couple,” she says, sitting in a Caffe Nero in Cardiff. “They were from Bristol and she had always been curious but never done anything. They were engaged and wanted to try it and see what happens.

“I met them in a bar in Cardiff for drinks. They had booked a hotel room for the night and driven over, specifically for this. I don't think people realise how much pressure that adds - they have booked a hotel on the expectation that they are going to get something out of you.

“I went to the bar, got there first and then they turned up. The conversation was initially just normal. They got me a drink and we chatted for a little bit. She went to the loo and he told me how nervous she was.

“We ended up having a couple of glasses of wine and they asked if I wanted to go back with them and I was like ‘Yeah, great’. I slept with both of them, one at a time and then together. I really enjoyed it, I fancied both of them.

“Interestingly, in the lead up to this interview I was thinking about the fact that with every couple I have met it has always been the girl I fancied rather than the guy. There's something about girls who enjoy stuff like this.”

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After that, she wanted more and met a couple on holiday from America.

“They were in Cardiff a couple of nights,” she says. “They were lovely and said that if I had time they would love to meet me. They were going to dinner, if I wanted to come.

“She was ridiculously hot. She was brunette, very feminine, pretty, dark eyes. They were going to Chapel [a bar and restaurant] so I went along with them. We had some food and some wine there. They had been recommended the Dead Canary [cocktail bar] so they asked if I wanted to go and have some cocktails. After a couple, I went back with them. That was really fun and I still speak to them now. At Christmas I send them a picture of me in my underwear.”

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Yes, the swinging scene really is big. And it's a world away from the middle-aged couples you might imagine chucking their BMW keys into a bowl before a spot of wife-swapping. Apps and websites have meant a massive increase in swinging in the last decade.

And two people at its heart are Mike and Cathy, a married couple in their late thirties or early forties who run one of the biggest swinging websites in Wales, Social Swingers. Not that you'd ever suspect that when they walk into a branch of Coffee#1 in Swansea.

They are well-presented with warm smiles. After offering to buy the coffee they take a seat, looking slightly apprehensive despite their smiles.

It has taken a lot negotiation for them to agree to meet. Mike says they receive weekly calls from news organisations but ignore them for fear of perpetuating the myth that “the lifestyle is full of lost, non-conforming deviants, STI-riddled people and perverts”.

It's not, but that doesn't mean it's not extremely secretive. The potential ramifications of people becoming aware of what they do are huge.

Mike and Cathy first got involved in the scene in 2003 and turned it into a business in 2014, quitting professional jobs to do it full-time. Their website spans the UK and also has a large audience in Europe and America.

“The scene in Wales absolutely huge,” says Mike. “There are 400-500 on our site and network in Wales alone, mainly south Wales, Swansea, Newport and Cardiff. The scene is also getting bigger in west Wales.

What's it like to go to a swinging club?

So if the image of keys in a bowl belongs firmly in the 1970s, how does swinging actually happen in the 21st century?

Well, there's websites and apps, of course. And then there's the parties.

“As we walked into the dungeon, in the middle of the room was a woman dressed completely in white and she was having the absolute s**t spanked out of her.

“She was screaming out loud, he was fully pelting her. I remember thinking ‘This is the right place!’”

That's how Laura describes her first swinging party. She is 30, has a well-paid job in Cardiff and an open relationship with a partner who's significantly older. Her previous relationship of 10 years had been monogamous “but as I developed sexually I was aware that I was into different things and I knew I was bisexual”.

She says she's into “threesomes, foursomes, moresomes and going to sex clubs”, where the vibe, she says, is very laid-back.

“The first time I went to one it was a pretty awesome experience,” she says of the party, held on a boat in London.

“We read up about what we should expect but you never know really what to expect until you get there. My partner and I had agreed that if at any point either of us are not OK with what's going on we can communicate and leave.

“It was on the Thames so we decided that it should be nautically themed. I was dressed as a mermaid which involved wearing fancy dress stockings and my tits out with starfish on.”

Laughing, she adds: “My partner was dressed as a pirate in latex chaps!

“We were wearing big coats round us and we gave [security] a quick flash and they let us in. The people in front of us in the queue had not changed yet and they have a look through their bag. It was full of latex and they seemed happy with that!”

'My first sex party was a pretty awesome experience' Laura in her mermaid outfit

They took a seat by the bar and watched as others arrived. There were lots of black outfits, latex and bondage gear, people walking in wearing a dog collar attached to a lead and lots of military stripes and 1940s sailor outfits.

Heading out on to the deck to get some air, they got talking to a couple (him in boxer shorts and her in an Ann Summers basque) and decided to head to the basement together, where people on benches were sat down watching the woman being spanked.

D**k pics, entitlement and the catfish

“Well, love, let me bring you back to reality,” read the message. “You’re far from what I’d usually even speak to, let alone meet up with. Was literally meeting to use you as a f**k toy as half the actual pretty girls I’m speaking to are just a bit vanilla for me.

“You’re about 12 stone too heavy for me. It is just a preference - like you with beards I guess.”

So went the reply when Marie politely declined a sexual advance on an app, adding that she was not a fan of beards.

It was deeply unpleasant, but not unusual. Anyone who's spent more than a minute on the internet will know how quick people are to hurl physical abuse and sexual threats, especially to women, as the normal rules of interaction go out the window. It happens all the time on Twitter, and it's a regular occurrence for women on swinging apps.

The message Marie got sent when she declined an offer

And then there are the d**k pics. They occupy a lot of Mike and Cathy's time on Social Swingers.

“We will ban people for unsolicited d**k pics,” says Mike. “It's every person's nightmare. If you're on Tinder, you will see people complaining all the time about receiving d**k pics - it's actually illegal.

“If you are sent that picture and you don't want it that can be classed as sexual harassment. If we catch anyone doing it, bang, they're out.”

Cathy says older men are the worst offenders.

“Very rarely is it the younger gentleman,” she says. “It is mainly over 40s, they get a kick out of it you see.

“I had one sent to me and my husband said ‘Don't you dare send that to my wife, she did not ask for that - grow up and act your age’. Would you go into a park and lop it out? I don't want to see that.”

According to Mike, this is not just about sexual gratification, it is about dominance.

“It comes down to power and control,” he says. “It's the ability to say ‘I'm going to show you this, you're going to look at it, whether you like it or not’.”

Marie won't travel to meet couples - she doesn't need to. Known as a 'unicorn' in the swinging scene, she's highly sought-after and people will travel to Cardiff from around the UK to meet her

As hideous as this is, there is another problem which is the scourge of the online swinging community: catfishing.

This comes in many forms but in this context it's where people set up fake accounts using other people's details and photos.

“It's a massive problem and hugely common,” says Mike.

“On another well-known site that we were on before we left to start this, I would say maybe 30% of the community is genuine and the rest is fake.

“You steal [other people's details and pictures] from sites like LinkedIn. You use a fake email. Then, bang, you are now them.”

Motivations include collecting other people's pictures, says Mike, adding that others probably do it “for their own kicks”.

To get around the problem on Social Swingers, Mike and Cathy have a process to verify photos.

“You could be dealing with someone who works as a professional in the public sector. You could be dealing with someone who is in the judiciary and these people don't want their personal lives smeared or out in the public. People could exert a lot of influence on these people. They could be blackmailed. Once we get this information and verify it, it’s destroyed immediately.”

Jealousy, cheating and healthy relationships

Cheating is still a thing in swinger relationships. So say husband and wife Neil and Melissa, from Llanelli. They are a professional, home-owning couple in their early thirties who have a young child.

“We actually first got into it after a night out and Melissa bumped into an old friend of hers from uni, who also was swinging,” says Neil.

“She was very suggestive to Melissa and all three of us had a few more drinks at the wine bar we were in on Wind Street [in Swansea] and went home together.

“We did feel very, very embarrassed the following morning and a little awkward with each other. Although I felt a bit guilty at what I did I also felt the excitement from Melissa, which made us different for a little bit but was also exhilarating.

“This was not cheating as it was consensual fun. We all agreed it was to happen, albeit mostly by accident.

“Cheating is something else. That’s when you hide from your partner what you are doing.

“We’re able to tell each other literally everything about how we are feeling without worry. I can say what is on my mind and so can Melissa. We’ve found that since doing this we are much more honest and open with each other.”

That's not to say there can't be jealousy.

“My partner and I had a threesome with the guy at ours,” says Laura.

“It was all good fun but the only real pang of jealousy he got was after it had all finished. The jealousy arose when we were on the bed at the end and I had my hand resting on the other guy’s leg.

“I genuinely do not feel jealousy. I don't think it is self-assuredness because I have always been quite insecure about different parts of my life, who I am, my body and the rest of it.

“But I feel like if I am prepared to share my partner then why would I be jealous about them being with someone else or watching them with someone else?”

Mike says jealousy comes with the territory.

“Personally and professionally, jealousy is part of the lifestyle.” he says. “I wouldn't say that you get used to it, it is something that you accept.

“You're watching your wife or your husband have sex with someone else - you are going to have that pang. If you are in a loving relationship, how can you have feelings towards your partner if you don't?

“As a couple, if you haven't got the strength and the openness to be able to communicate you won't be able to deal with it. From my point of view, the enjoyment outweighs the jealousy.”

But it's not always the case for others.

“Some people want to try swinging, get involved, they get jealous and it destroys their relationship. That does happen, we have seen it,” he says.

“However, what you find is it works when both parties are equally behind the lifestyle. Genuinely, when it tends not to work is when there is one person who is more into the lifestyle than the other.”

At this point, Cathy laughs and they exchange a look. She says: “The most important thing is communication. As long as you talk about it and explain your feelings, where you can put things right. That is how you set boundaries.”

What everyone seems to agree on is that the boundaries of cheating are very clearly defined. There are rules. If you are jealous you have to talk about it. It is a matter of necessity. Your relationship depends on openness.

In the book Swinging in America: Love, Sex, and Marriage in the 21st Century, authors Jennifer Sinsk and Curtis Bergstrand look at swingers' relationships.

Drawing on an extensive survey of real people and over 40 years of research they propose that a non-monogamous lifestyle may be healthier for marriages than a monogamous one. Think about how many monogamous relationships break down or have difficulties because a partner is exchanging flirty texts with someone else. To one partner it's harmless fun, while to the other it's a gross betrayal. Both sides could be right and it's a matter of perspective.

But in a swingers' relationship necessity dictates that these conversations have already been had and the boundaries established. As one of the couples says: “Cheating is in the mind, not in the act.”

Marie, the unicorn, found herself in the middle of a couple's jealousy issues. They had travelled 190 miles to Cardiff to see her but Marie says it was a “dreadful experience”.

“They were a bit hostile to each other and they were having little digs at each other," she says.

“She kept making sly comments at him when he was having sex with me that made me feel really uncomfortable so I left. They seemed quite disappointed. I couldn't believe they were surprised!”

Love at first swing

People really have fallen in love after their eyes meet across another naked person.

Trevor is one half of a professional couple, both in their early fifties, who live in Cardiff.

“I was first in the scene as a single gent,” he says.

“I’d always liked the thought of ‘swinging’ but in the true sense a single man is a guest on the swinging scene. You are asked by couples to join them in fulfilling their fantasy.

“I suppose that over the years I’d done most things that people typically think swingers do but this was by chance more than anything

“I came across Social Swingers and thought 'What the hell, I’ll give it a go'.

“Corinne joined and when I first saw her profile I was smitten, everything about her was perfect. Eventually I was able to meet her and fell for her 100%, could say love at first swing. Our first meet was for one thing: sex. But we connected, in more ways than one and now we are a couple.

“This was my dream come true to meet the love of my life who shares the same outlook: that swinging is a lifestyle we both want to be in.”

The pair will be getting married in 2019.

STIs, safe sex and unwanted touching

“Look, at the end of the day if you don't want to take any risks of catching anything just don't have sex again for the rest of your life,” says Mike. “It will always come with a risk.”

Sexually-transmitted infections are a large part of the stigma around the scene. Read the comments on any mainstream media article on swinging and you will usually see three themes – curiosity, judgment and the statement: “They must all be riddled.”

For most couples we spoke to there was a pretty strict rule: no glove, no love.

Laura says the fact you are responsible for your partner's health as well makes you more careful. She says: “For me it has always been a case of wrap up. If I have been seeing a few different people I will get checked every six months.”

But not all people are as conscientious.

Melissa and Neil from Llanelli say one of their worst experiences was when they met another couple with different standards when it came to safe sex.

Melissa says: “We all seemed to click. Sometimes the chemistry isn’t there but this was good until they wanted bareback (without a condom). Well we only play safe. It was a no-brainer for us. So we had to leave it there. Very uncomfortable for all but we were OK.”

Unwanted sexual advances are one the biggest social issues of the day. It's no different in the swinging community, where going to a sex party doesn't mean you consent to being touched by whoever wants to.

But how do you police consent in an environment where people can be tied up by total strangers?

Part of this is done by a “dungeon master” who will walk the space, watching out for unwanted contact. Laura describes an incident where, while her partner was performing a sex act on her, she noticed the dungeon master, a woman, looking at her from the other side of the room.

“I could see she was mouthing ‘Are you OK?’” she says.

“I turned and looked down and saw that [a] woman... had her hand on my ankle. The dungeon master had picked up on that and this was unwanted interaction that hadn't been discussed with me.

“Resting her hand on my ankle was enough for the dungeon master to notice. I feel safer there than I do walking down the street.”

Why should I have to hide that I'm a swinger?

The swinging community's stringent etiquette standards – rules around touching, boundaries, privacy – suggest those who take it seriously see it as a real community.

They wear a certain item of jewellery to identify themselves to each other (“I have already scanned the room,” Cathy said on arrival at Coffee #1). And there's a certain national restaurant chain that swinging couples will use for their first meet with a new couple. They wouldn't divulge its name.

That said, what they do is shrouded in secrecy for obvious reasons.

I spent five months getting swingers to a place they were willing to speak. It was an uphill struggle. Of the huge amount of people within the scene we approached only a tiny percentage would speak to us. Of them, only a fraction would speak on the record. Only one would consent to pictures and none would be named. None of the names used in this article are real.

Despite being an entirely legal way for consenting adults to pass their time, careers, relationships and reputations can be destroyed if word of someone's sexual preferences becomes known by people outside the scene ("vanillas", as they're known).

“The deceit in marriage is huge, yet we’re open with each other and honest with each other,” says Melissa.

“We get judged, but for what? Enjoying the human body and being intimate with others? In this day and age, you’d expect that people were more accepting of it.”

The biggest taboo is a lack of discretion, says Mike, describing people's privacy as “an absolute must”.

“Nobody likes anybody who breaks discretion,” he says. “It is the golden rule, it is deadly sin, it is betrayal.”

With exception of being swingers, these people are boringly normal. They have office jobs, the couples love each other, argue, and do a big food shop at Aldi.

“The stigma couldn’t be further from the truth,” says Mike. “The fact is we, as human beings, enjoy sex for pleasure as well as procreation. Swinging has been an easy target for sleaze headlines for far too long. This is a lifestyle choice for people who have no desire to harm anyone. We’d love for the future to be one of total openness and acceptance. Why can’t we tell our friends or colleagues?

“I’m not saying it should instantly be normalised but I would love to be able, in 10 years, for our members to be able to go to specific public swinging events and people be aware of what it is – but without the judgement and prejudice. Let us all be who we are and accept us for who we are.

“We have one life, it’s very short, and we’re a long time in the ground. Enjoy it while you can but be responsible for your own and other people’s health.”